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Empowering people with disabilities to live an incredible ordinary life.
Episodes
Friday Sep 08, 2023
Friday Sep 08, 2023
You’re a loving mother committed to your loved one’s growth.
I know it’s challenging, but there’s a way to help your loved one’s independence flourish.
This short podcast reveals two stories, from family members like you, who transformed their loved one’s lives using daily routines, consistency, and even failure.
Growing your loved one’s independence is possible, and I’ve got the next steps for you in this podcast!
With gratitude,
Eric
Claim your free guide to help you grow your loved one's independence: Download here
Friday Aug 18, 2023
Friday Aug 18, 2023
Tired of the constant nagging to try and motivate your loved one with a developmental disability to do more at home?
Imagine a world where your loved one is interested in growing their independence without resistance.
The secret is in identifying the perfect opportunity. Let me guide you through it, drawing inspiration from Karen’s story.
In this podcast, I’m going to help you find that right opportunity to engage your loved one.
with gratitude,
Eric
Claim your free guide ‘Growing Independence in 7 Simple Steps.’
Friday Jul 21, 2023
Friday Feb 24, 2023
Friday Feb 24, 2023
Are you feeling frustrated with the limited options available for your loved one with a developmental disability?
Do you feel like they're just going through the motions at their day program without really growing or experiencing life to the fullest?
If so, I'm here to tell you that there are better options out there.
The truth is, there are better ordinary options available for your loved one. We're here to help you explore and discover the possibilities that exist to help your loved one live an Awesome Ordinary Life, with more independence, real friendships, and even paid employment.
With gratitude,
Eric
P.S. Want to create an Awesome Ordinary Life with your loved one?!
Click the link below to join our free upcoming workshop:
Friday Feb 17, 2023
Friday Feb 17, 2023
Spencer and his mom Elaine joined me in this conversation to share how they went from butting heads with each other to collaboratively creating an Awesome Ordinary Life for Spencer.
For them, it felt like other people were picking up their lives after COVID restrictions eased, and they were stuck in isolation.
Spencer shared that he didn't want to leave his bedroom and was on the edge of depression.
Elaine and I started to work together, and Elaine learned to shift from being the caregiver to the coach. When Elaine started collaborating with Spencer, they took some big steps forward.
One big step forward was starting Spencer's support circle of friends, which is a group of people in intentional, reciprocal and freely given relationships with Spencer.
Spencer's confidence has grown; he's exploring his interests in community, and even landed a paid part-time job!
P.S. Want to create an Awesome Ordinary Life with your loved one?!
Click the link below to join our free upcoming workshop:
Friday Feb 10, 2023
Friday Feb 10, 2023
You might agree with me, or you might disagree with me. But, you must consider the truth of the living environment and experience of the person when we group people with disabilities and force them to live together.
It's also helpful to hear straight from someone with lived experience, so here's what a person shared with me about their experience living in a group home:
"I have a developmental disability and have lived in an extremely toxic group home. People who are placed in group homes don't have the right to pick and choose whom they get to live with, which can create hostility.
I have been yelled at by both staff and roommates, as well as assaulted by roommates. After leaving that group home, I chose to find my place to live with minimal support.
To this day, I have never looked back. I have the freedom to do what I want and eat what and when I want, and if I ever decide I want a roommate I will have the freedom to choose whom I want to live with me."
In this video, I share why group homes create a poor living environment, and how you can create a better living environment and home for your loved one.
P.S. Want to create an Awesome Ordinary Life with your loved one?!
Click the link below to join our free upcoming workshop:
Friday Feb 03, 2023
Friday Feb 03, 2023
Alina, the mother of 17-year-old Juliana, joined me to talk about their experience of going from complete dependence on Mom to Juliana growing her capability and independence.
Alina was doing EVERYTHING for Juliana. The idea of independence was there, but Alina was locked into the habit of doing everything.
When Alina thought about Juliana's independence, her fears kicked in, creating a state of overwhelm and keeping them stuck. This resulted in Juliana learning that she couldn't do things.
Then things started to change when Alina and I began to work together. Alina's awareness and mental outlook shifted, which was the key to unlocking Juliana's independence.
Alina no longer feels like the caretaker and has to solve all the problems. Juliana and Alina are now on an equal footing, having more open dialogue, and Juliana is starting to lead her own life!
P.S. Want to create an Awesome Ordinary Life with your loved one?!
Click the link below to join our free upcoming workshop:
Thursday Sep 13, 2018
Thursday Sep 13, 2018
Author and speaker, Donna Thomson, takes us on the journey of a caregiver.
In Episode #050, I had the pleasure of interviewing Donna Thomson and we dove into the topic of caregiving. Donna is an author and speaker on issues relating to family caregiving, disability and aging. She is a patient and family advisor on health research and policy. Donna teaches family caregivers how to advocate for care in hospital and in the community.
If you find this read interesting you can listen to the conversation in its entirety by clicking play on the player below or searching ‘Empowering Ability’ on your podcast player, such as, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Play.
Before my interview with Donna I took the opportunity to read Donna’s first book, ‘The 4 Walls of my Freedom’, which really helped me to gain perspective on what it is be like to be a mother with a child that has medical needs. It gave me perspective on what it must have been like for my own mother, when faced with the medical challenges my sister experienced at a young age. Quoting Donna from her book, “Mothering a child with medical needs is a very public, but lonely endeavor.”
On the podcast I ask Donna, “Can you share your experience so that others listening can also understand your perspective? And, so other mothers maybe don’t feel so alone?
Paraphrasing from the podcast Donna shares, “My son, [Nicholas], has CP [cerebral palsy] and a complex disability. At 4 months [old] he was diagnosed, and it was like he became the property of health care and social care systems. We began to be assessed and I felt as though I was under a microscope. [I was] Grateful for the assistance because you feel like it is the key to the future success of your child, and you want to present as a competent parent. Then you learn when you present as a competent parent that’s reason for people to abandon you. If you seem to be doing well then people aren’t going to help you. In order to access the help you need at home you have to demonstrate failure as a parent. What do these assessments and scores about my baby say about me? Am I a success or failure as a parent? All of this brought the bond between my son and I closer and we would have very intimate moments when alone at home.”
I ask, “Do you feel that this pushed you into being a victim?”
In summary Donna replied, “Not exactly. We had to demonstrate to the system what our needs where, and to do that they had to show them that they were struggling.”
Finding Pleasure in Peeling the Potatoes:
In a previous conversation with Donna it came up that she had to find pleasure in peeling the potatoes and this connects directly to her book title ‘The Four Walls of My Freedom.’ On the podcast, I ask Donna, “Why do we need to find pleasure in peeling the potatoes? And, how do we do that?”
Paraphrasing from the podcast Donna shares, “I can’t leave my house, so how can I make a rich life of this? Watching the lady peeling the avocados next door through the window, [I admired] the way she was able to peel the avocado without breaking the skin was beautiful. I started thinking I can do that. Then I started thinking about how well I am peeling vegetables. It was sensual, secondly, I was feeding my children. I linked what I was doing with the purpose of what I was doing.
I started thinking about the tiniest things that I was doing as forms of meditation, and it made me happy. I wasn’t doing anything differently, I was simply looking at myself doing the jobs of feeding the kids, doing the laundry, and making the bed.
Locating the extraordinary in the ordinary. We have the benefit of the slow movement lived loud in our families. We do things more slowly, we are more contemplative, we do things more purposefully. There is opportunity in finding meaning and joy in the way we live.”
Everyone is a Caregiver.
Donna shares, “The word caregiver applies to everybody. At the end of the day we are talking about dependency needs met by someone else. A pet, a friend, we all look after each other even when we are perfectly healthy in the prime of our lives. You are not feeling good I will bring you over some soup. We don’t have anything in our society to say that caring for someone is okay. The pendulum has swung so far away from providing care [being accepted in our society].
In my first conversation with Donna, she helped me to realize that I am a caregiver. When I was honest with myself it was the truth, and it felt weird. My ego didn’t want to accept this language because of the societal stigmas that are attached to caregiving. At first, it made me feel weak. Upon reflection, and acceptance that I am a caregiver there is a strength that comes with being a caregiver. Caregiving is one of the most connected and real human experiences that we can have, it has been wired into our biology as we have evolved as an advanced species. As Donna shares, “Everyone is a caregiver.”
So I ask you, how are you a caregiver? I invite you to celebrate that you are a caregiver, and not to fight it or deny it. What are the benefits that caregiving brings into your life?
Donna's Life as an Activist:
Paraphrasing from the podcast Donna Shares, “My idea was do to a post mortem on our family experience and the support that we received, or did not receive, and to determine what was helpful and what was not helpful. I thought this would be useful for other families and policy makers. I became involved in inclusion. I became active in the family movement, and I became involved with the Ottawa affiliate for PLAN, which is all about citizenship.
I became aware of and met Indian economist, Amartya Sen, who developed ‘The Capability Approach’. The Capability Approach looks at how people can be supported by the community and the State so that they can have a life that they value. It is about individual choice and being supported to have a life that you value within circumstances of adversity. Sen was looking at extreme poverty in India, but I used this approach to look at my family.”
Donna used this approach in her book 'The 4 Walls of my Freedom’ looking at how people can make personal choices, express their personal values, and live in the community to do this. Donna and I further discuss inclusion, and I recommend you listen to this episode to hear these perspectives.
Donna's New Book:
I’m co-writing a new book with Dr Zackery White, a professor at Queens University in Charlotte North Carolina.
Donna shares, “Dr. Zackery White is writing about Caregiver identity and how it is so difficult to express the transformations that happen when giving high levels of care to someone. Lots of things grow and lots of things die when you become immersed in giving care to someone.
Giving people language to create the narrative to understand your life in the now.
My part of the book is the what’s next. What can you do to be an advocate and take action; personal support networks, what are the assets in your community [asset based community development], and online tools including support groups. These are actions you can take to thrive in situations of adversity. It will be titled something like ‘Transformations in Caregiving’ ”.
I thank Donna for coming on the podcast and sharing her deeply personal experiences, and her insights on caregiving. Thank you for doing the work you do Donna!
If you received value from reading this blog or listening to this podcast episode I encourage you to share it with someone else you feel would benefit.
Love & Respect,
Eric Goll
Resources:
Donna's Blog: The Caregivers' Living Room www.donnathomson.com
Book ‘The 4 Walls of my Freedom’– Available at any major book seller.
Facebook Group - The caregivers living room
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Tags:
#Caregiving
#Donna Thompson
#WeAreAllCaregivers