#046: Re-Writing Our Stories, with Brian Raymond King

Brian shares his story of multiple health challenges and family adversities, and his insights about how we can re-write our story and take control of our lives.

 

In this episode, I have an engaging conversation with life coach, Brian Raymond King. Throughout Brian’s life he’s been a student of adversity as he experienced multiple health diagnosis including; cancer, ADHD and MS – as well as going through a divorce, and being a single parent to three children with ADHD. Brian shares his story and his insights about how we can re-write our story and take control of our lives.

 

On the podcast Brian shares:

 

“It’s a matter of doing what you can with what you’ve got. In situations like mine, you don’t just give up on life and let it pass you by because you can’t do everything each day that you can do on your best day. Some people use their best day as their standard, but that is ridiculous because life ebbs and flows. Depending on where I’m at that day, I think about what can do and I show up and do 100% at it.”

 

 

How have you bounced back from each challenge in your life?

 

Paraphrasing from the podcast, Brain Shares:

 

“With each new diagnosis there is that oh crud moment. This is usually brief. But, grumping and groaning will not change the situation. Then I shift to what do I need to know? What resources are available? What books do I need to read so I can manage this? At some point being resourceful just stuck.”

 

 

What tools do we have in our toolkit to be resilient?

 

Paraphrasing from the podcast, Brain Shares:

 

“First off, there is noise that makes it difficult to use the tools [we have]. One of the most annoying offenders is the ‘shoulds’. It [life] should be this way, or it should be that way. Once we stop ‘should’ing’ all over ourselves, we can take the first step toward a solution. Maybe you don’t know what the solution is yet, but you can start problem solving.”

 

 

What about when the problem seems so bad, or too much to handle?

 

Brian asks his coaching clients, “Do you honestly believe that? Or, is that honestly true?”

 

Brian helps his clients think through if they want to be a victim of the situation or if they want to be resourceful and take charge by asking questions like:

 

“Do you want to be helpless or do you want to be in charge? What can you be in charge of right now? You can be in charge of your thoughts.”

 

 

In my coaching practice I often ask clients, “What assumption are you making?” This is a powerful question to help us realize the stories we are creating based on incomplete information. (Also, our assumptions tend to lean toward being negative.)

 

 

Mindset vs Skillsets:

 

Paraphrasing from the podcast, Brain Shares:

 

“You can have the best tools in the world [skillsets], but if you don’t believe in yourself [mindsets] you might not even want to use those tools [skillsets].

 

Brian believes we must first develop or mindsets, which is comprised of our belief systems to get the most from our skillsets.

 

I ask Brian, How do we develop our mindsets and beliefs?

 

Brian shares, “Studying biographies. Don’t just listen to what they did, it is important to look at the decisions that they made, and the beliefs they hold. It is their beliefs and thoughts that led to their results. Try adapting to that belief for just a day - I am going to act as though this belief is true, and I am going to see the world through this lens. For example, you are a much different person if you believe that people are good at heart, vs people are just out there to screw you over. Things are first created in the mind, then in the real world.”

 

 

Who is one of your most influential mentors?

 

Brian shares, “Victor Frankl, who wrote 'Man’s Search for Meaning'. You can choose your attitude no matter your circumstances, and each person has the internal power to find inner meaning in any situation. He gave me perspective on how much I was self-pitying. I decided how I was going to face how I was going to feel and how I was going to choose to think.”

 

On the podcast, Brian discusses the concept of Hacking your Resiliency. Take a listen to the podcast to hear these valuable insights.

 

Brian leaves us with a challenge to consider, “Whenever a problem shows up one question you can ask yourself is, ‘What’s good about this?’ When you ask this question you immediately begin seeing what opportunities are available to you because that problem exists.

 

A big thank you to Brian for joining me on the podcast and sharing his insights! You can learn how to connect with Brian in the resources section below.

 

 

 

Love & Respect,

Eric Goll

 

 

 

 

Resources:

 

Brian's Website: Mindsetbeforeskillset.com

Connect with Brian on Facebook

 

 

 

 

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