Episodes
Wednesday Mar 06, 2019
Bonus: If we aren't there for our loved one with a disability, who will be?
Wednesday Mar 06, 2019
Wednesday Mar 06, 2019
... If I am not there to care and look out for my son or daughter, then who will be? It is a big question, but it is also something we avoid talking about because we have to realize our own death. BUT, if we don't have these conversations - what are we leaving behind?!
From the hundreds of families I have spoken with I've learned that it is a massive hole. If you are the go-to person for your loved one with a disability, and they are dependent on you and you aren't there for them anymore it is impossible for one person to step into your old shoes. It causes a ton of stress, anxiety, and disrupts several people's lives.
This is why we need to think about the relationships in our loved one's life, this is why we need to be intentional about a Personal Support Network. In this video, I show you how to do this.
CLICK HERE to learn how.
Enjoy,
Eric
PS. Having a strong Personal Support Network for your loved one with a disability is the best way I've found to support someone after their parents can no longer care. BUT - a Personal Support Network is more than that, it will provide in ways that you could have never imagined in the short term.
CLICK HERE to learn how!
Tuesday Jul 31, 2018
#048: Personal Transformation and Disability, with Ted Kuntz
Tuesday Jul 31, 2018
Tuesday Jul 31, 2018
Ted Kuntz shares his journey of personal transformation as he realized the who he wanted to be in the world with his son Joshua and with others.
Ted Kuntz is a gifted psychotherapist and the author of the best-selling books, Peace Begins With Me and 8 Weeks to A Better Relationship. Ted has a Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology and more than 25 years experience as a clinician and a consultant. Much of Ted’s wisdom has come from his personal journey as the father of a child with severe disabilities. Ted's journey with his son Joshua taught him how to make peace with life and to take full advantage of the gifts and opportunities life offers.
Below is a summary of some of the highlights from my conversation with Ted. If you find this read interesting you can listen to the conversation in its entirety by clicking play on the player below, or searching ‘Empowering Ability’ on your podcast player, such as, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Play.
I was fortunate to meet Ted at Partner’s for Planning’s Art of Resilience event this year, where I told Ted that I saw his talk the previous year at the Art of Belonging. It was one of the most inspiring talks that I’ve experienced, and Ted’s stories went straight to my heart. When I met Ted I shared my gratitude for his talk and vulnerability. I also shared that I had purchased his Book “Peace Begins with Me.” But embarrassingly, I hadn’t read it yet. I invited Ted to join me on the podcast, and I promised myself that I was going to read his book. We both kept our promise, and I am happy to bring you insights from Ted Kuntz!
Ted’s Journey (so far):
I’ve paraphrased Ted’s story from the podcast episode below and quoted some important conversations Ted shares.
“It has been a very challenging journey, but very rich journey. It took me while to embrace the rich journey. At 5 months of age my son Joshua was damaged by a vaccine shot and developed an uncontrollable seizing disorder resulting in a neurological injury. This injury resulted in 24-hour care for the rest of his life and significant disabilities. In February 2017, Joshua passed away.”
Josh transformed Ted as a father and human being in ways that Ted could have never imagined. I ask Ted on the podcast, “Are there moments or experiences of transformation that you can share with us?”
Ted shares that there are two experiences that he has identified as the most transformative, the first was when Ted went to see a Physic:
Ted asked the physic: “Will my son live?”
Physic: “Have no fear the son will outlive the father.”
Ted: “If my son will live, what will he be when he grows up?”
Physic “Your son will be what he already is, and that is a teacher.”
Ted didn’t understand how his son would be a teacher at first, but the words sat with him. What he came to realize is that Joshua was here to teach him about being a human being. He was here to teach acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, and working through human challenges.
The second transformative experience that Ted shares on the podcast is his daily ritual with Joshua. When Ted pulled into the driveway after work he would see Joshua at the window saying, “Hi Dad”. When Joshua wasn’t at the window to greet Ted, Ted knew that Joshua wasn’t having a good day. On this day, Ted pulled into the driveway and he stood there looking at his son in joy, and a voice inside of Ted's head asked him this question, “When your son looks through the glass at you what does he see?”
Ted reflected on this powerful question, and Ted found the truth; Joshua sees a father who is angry, afraid, and a father who is rejecting his son. Ted committed that day to make peace with his situation, to accept it, to claim his joy, and to fall in love with the son he had. That was the day Ted’s life began to change.
Insights:
Eric shares, “For us to have these transformations we need to embrace these moments and let ourselves bring these questions and experiences into our consciousness to find our truth.”
Ted shares, “The transformation came out of an intense amount of suffering. Suffering can be one of the gateways to wisdom.”
I ask, “How do you shift out of suffering state to a state of joy?”
Ted replies, “Take responsibility for emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual state of being. We often give away our power – something else is responsible for our happiness, peace and joy. [For example,] I’ll be happy when Josh stops seizing. If I hold the story that my happiness is dependent on Joshua’s seizing stopping, then I couldn’t be happy. We need to claim ownership of our way of being in the world. I make me happy, I make me sad, I make me angry. Why would I make myself angry? It doesn’t serve me and the rest of humanity by staying in that [angry] state for a long period of time. I can release it any point.”
“I believe when we are operating at our highest potential as human beings that we are living life as creative beings. That we are creating the next moment. Unfortunately, I spent the first 45 years of my life as a reactive being.”
The Hidden Gifts of Disability
Ted Shares, “It [disability] challenges us in a way that we are forced to respond. At first it moved me to those darker places, but I’ve since learned there is a healing that comes about when there is an acceptance. I’ve chosen to live in peace and joy, because my son deserved that. It changed me as a father, a husband, a brother, a son. It made me a better person.”
Ted shares the story of Joshua’s grade 7 teacher:
Paraphrasing from the podcast Ted shares, “When Joshua was entering grade 7 there were 2 male teachers, who were athletes, selecting students for classes for the upcoming year. They decided to do a coin toss for who would pick first. The teacher who won the coin toss looked at the list of students and selected Joshua as the first pick. The other teacher asked, ‘Why Josh? He requires a wheel chair, has an uncontrolled seizure disorder, he has many other needs.’ The other teacher replies that he notices how the kids excitedly greeted Joshua in the morning, how they gently took off his coat, how the other kids altered the rules of the game so Joshua could play at recess, how the children where there laying on the mat with Joshua as he recovers from seizure. If Joshua is in my class it will make it a kinder and gentler place for everyone.”
This teacher helped Ted see Josh’s gifts. Ted was now able to look at Josh with a different set of eyes.
Ted shares, “Is the glass half full or half empty? It is both. Do I look at the full parts, or do I look at the empty parts? We have been socialized to believe that success looks a particular way. What people like Sarah [my sister] and Joshua do is that they remind us that there are other qualities to aspire to. There are things that I wasn’t going to learn from a book, I needed to be in relationship with a person more vulnerable that myself. This is a challenging journey. Let’s not just look at the parts that are difficult, lets also look at the gifts that can be realized out of this journey. Let’s not lose that opportunity to experience some significant transformation as a result of this life experience.”
To embrace this mindset that everybody is a gift to us, Ted plays a game with himself. He asks himself, ‘Who is going to show up today?’, and ‘What gift do they have for me?’, ‘What gift do I have for them?’. It forces him to appreciate everyone he interacts with.
In this episode, Ted also shares the native story of two wolves - the negative and positive wolves fighting our hearts, a tool to find more joy in our lives, and we discuss David Hawkings map of consciousness. Listen to the podcast for more on this!
Ted leaves us with this message to consider:
“Your way of being is actually more important than what you do. We would be better off if we made 'To Be:' lists every day, rather than 'To Do:' lists. Be gentle and kind to ourselves. We are on a journey of development. One of the things that I believe is that we don’t make mistakes, we actually make the best decision available to us at that moment with the information, skills, and knowledge that we have.”
I am grateful for the stories, insights and rich conversation Ted gave us.
If you received value from reading this blog or listening to this podcast episode, consider sharing it with someone else you feel would benefit. Coming soon there will be a way for you, or your organization, to contribute to this work. Stay tuned for the details.
Love & Respect,
Eric Goll
Resources:
Book: Peace Begins With Me
If you received value from this content please leave me a review on iTunes. By leaving a 5 star review on iTunes you make the Empowering Ability Podcast more discoverable, and more families will benefit. Click Here To Leave a Review on iTunes
The Empowering Ability Podcast is available on iTunes and various other apps so that you can listen while on the go from your smartphone!
Click Here To Listen on iTunes
Wednesday Jun 06, 2018
#046: Re-Writing Our Stories, with Brian Raymond King
Wednesday Jun 06, 2018
Wednesday Jun 06, 2018
Brian shares his story of multiple health challenges and family adversities, and his insights about how we can re-write our story and take control of our lives.
In this episode, I have an engaging conversation with life coach, Brian Raymond King. Throughout Brian’s life he’s been a student of adversity as he experienced multiple health diagnosis including; cancer, ADHD and MS – as well as going through a divorce, and being a single parent to three children with ADHD. Brian shares his story and his insights about how we can re-write our story and take control of our lives.
On the podcast Brian shares:
“It’s a matter of doing what you can with what you’ve got. In situations like mine, you don’t just give up on life and let it pass you by because you can’t do everything each day that you can do on your best day. Some people use their best day as their standard, but that is ridiculous because life ebbs and flows. Depending on where I’m at that day, I think about what can do and I show up and do 100% at it.”
How have you bounced back from each challenge in your life?
Paraphrasing from the podcast, Brain Shares:
“With each new diagnosis there is that oh crud moment. This is usually brief. But, grumping and groaning will not change the situation. Then I shift to what do I need to know? What resources are available? What books do I need to read so I can manage this? At some point being resourceful just stuck.”
What tools do we have in our toolkit to be resilient?
Paraphrasing from the podcast, Brain Shares:
“First off, there is noise that makes it difficult to use the tools [we have]. One of the most annoying offenders is the ‘shoulds’. It [life] should be this way, or it should be that way. Once we stop ‘should’ing’ all over ourselves, we can take the first step toward a solution. Maybe you don’t know what the solution is yet, but you can start problem solving.”
What about when the problem seems so bad, or too much to handle?
Brian asks his coaching clients, “Do you honestly believe that? Or, is that honestly true?”
Brian helps his clients think through if they want to be a victim of the situation or if they want to be resourceful and take charge by asking questions like:
“Do you want to be helpless or do you want to be in charge? What can you be in charge of right now? You can be in charge of your thoughts.”
In my coaching practice I often ask clients, “What assumption are you making?” This is a powerful question to help us realize the stories we are creating based on incomplete information. (Also, our assumptions tend to lean toward being negative.)
Mindset vs Skillsets:
Paraphrasing from the podcast, Brain Shares:
“You can have the best tools in the world [skillsets], but if you don’t believe in yourself [mindsets] you might not even want to use those tools [skillsets].
Brian believes we must first develop or mindsets, which is comprised of our belief systems to get the most from our skillsets.
I ask Brian, How do we develop our mindsets and beliefs?
Brian shares, “Studying biographies. Don’t just listen to what they did, it is important to look at the decisions that they made, and the beliefs they hold. It is their beliefs and thoughts that led to their results. Try adapting to that belief for just a day - I am going to act as though this belief is true, and I am going to see the world through this lens. For example, you are a much different person if you believe that people are good at heart, vs people are just out there to screw you over. Things are first created in the mind, then in the real world.”
Who is one of your most influential mentors?
Brian shares, “Victor Frankl, who wrote 'Man’s Search for Meaning'. You can choose your attitude no matter your circumstances, and each person has the internal power to find inner meaning in any situation. He gave me perspective on how much I was self-pitying. I decided how I was going to face how I was going to feel and how I was going to choose to think.”
On the podcast, Brian discusses the concept of Hacking your Resiliency. Take a listen to the podcast to hear these valuable insights.
Brian leaves us with a challenge to consider, “Whenever a problem shows up one question you can ask yourself is, ‘What’s good about this?’ When you ask this question you immediately begin seeing what opportunities are available to you because that problem exists.
A big thank you to Brian for joining me on the podcast and sharing his insights! You can learn how to connect with Brian in the resources section below.
Love & Respect,
Eric Goll
Resources:
Brian's Website: Mindsetbeforeskillset.com
Connect with Brian on Facebook
If you received value from this content please leave me a review on iTunes. By leaving a 5 star review on iTunes you make the Empowering Ability Podcast more discoverable, and more families will benefit. Click Here To Leave a Review on iTunes
The Empowering Ability Podcast is available on iTunes and various other apps so that you can listen while on the go from your smartphone!
Wednesday Sep 20, 2017
#029: Bill Hiltz's Story: Freed From the Cage of Incapability
Wednesday Sep 20, 2017
Wednesday Sep 20, 2017
Bill Hiltz shares his story of how he was mistreated and caged in an institution as a toddler, freed by loving people, and how he has grown into a leader advocating for positive change for people with disabilities.
In this podcast episode, I had the pleasure of interviewing ‘Team Bill’, including; Bill Hiltz, and his supporters Joyce Balaz and Arn Row. Bill is a disability advocate that is promoting positive change in the Ontario political arena by sharing what it is like to live in his shoes. Bill is non-verbal, and he is impacted by an uncontrolled seizure disorder that can rule his life.
Bill Hiltz’s Story
Paraphrasing from the Podcast Joyce and Arn share:
Joyce: “When Bill was born there were complications with the birth that led to Bill’s seizures. At the time, his family didn’t have the resources and supports to provide for Bill, and Bill went into foster care system at 1.5 years old. Bill went into a number of foster families, in and out of the hospital, and then ended up at Christopher Robin, which was an institution in Ajax, Ontario. The institution was closing when Bill was 8 years old, and a family who had already adopted another child came back to the institution and adopted Bill.
Arn: “It is important to share Bills experience in that institution. Bill’s time was mostly spent in a crib cage, which had 4 sides and a top on it. Bill wore a helmet because he was banging his head on the bars, which was Bill’s way of trying to tell whoever would listen that he didn’t want to be in there.”
Joyce: “When he was taken in by the family after the institution they just loved him to death, and he lived with them for 12 years (until he was 19). The father providing most of the care fell ill, as well the 3 (other) boys of the family where moving out of the home – so it was a time for transition (for Bill).”
Joyce, who was Bills educational assistant (EA) at school since the age of 13, heard that Bill was looking for a new home. Bill and Joyce gave living together a couple of trial runs and it went well. Bill then moved in with Joyce. Since then they have blazed a trail with their advocacy work, and growing and learning together.
(Left to right: Arn Row, Bill Hiltz, Joyce Balaz)
Start with the Assumption of Capability
When you see Bill you wouldn’t expect him to have done the things that he has done in his life. When Bill was in the institution as a toddler he was caged because he was misunderstood. Assumptions where made about his capability, or should I say incapability. Bill was shown love and respect by the family that adopted him, and since by Joyce, Arn, and many others. Bill’s story highlights the dangers of starting with the assumption that a person isn’t capable.
By assuming a person is NOT capable we keep them caged and deny the opportunity to live their best life. When we start with the assumption that a person IS capable, we give that person the opportunity to grow and live their best possible life.
What is the worst thing that can happen if we start with the assumption that someone is capable? They fail, and hopefully learn so they can be more successful in their next attempt. (Yes, it is important that we consider holding people capable in an environment that is safe for them so that if they do fail they have the opportunity to get back up and try again.)
Always start by holding people capable, disability or not!
Bill taught me this invaluable lesson. When I first met Bill I assumed that Bill wasn’t capable of having a conversation with me – and boy did he prove me wrong! Thank you, Bill.
We discuss holding people capable in more depth on the podcast.
Our Fear of ‘Different’
It took me well over 5 days of being around Bill before I actually engaged in a conversation with him. What took me so long to talk with Bill?
It was my own fear.
I judged Bill because I had perceived Bill as being different than me. This self-acknowledgement hit me square between the eyes. My sister has a disability, and I have several friends that have disabilities, and this fear was still present inside of me. What does this fear look like for others that have not had contact with people with visible disabilities like I have?
Joyce had a similar experience when first meeting Bill as an educational assistant (EA). Joyce shares, “…. I told the teacher that I didn’t want to work with Bill because I didn’t know how to work with him. The first time that I told Bill this he was mad, and didn’t talk to me for two weeks. Now that he has heard this story a number of times it has given him an opportunity to think about how other people view him.”
How is your fear holding you back from interacting with a person that you perceive as different? It could be a person with a disability, a person from a different ethnic background, or a different religion.
How Do We Best Communicate with Bill (and others that have a developmental disability):
In this episode, we discuss how it can be difficult to enter into a conversation with a person when there isn’t a response or acknowledgement back from the other person. This doesn’t mean that that person isn’t interested in engaging with you. Here are 3 tips we provide on the podcast to communicate with people that have a developmental disability:
1) Be patient
2) Be sincere
3) Ask how to best communicate with the person
Bill has shared, we need to learn how to slow down. A fast pace verbal world isn’t the world that Bill lives in. Bill gives others the gift by providing them to slow down and operate at his frequency.
Bill Hiltz’s Advocacy Work
Bill’s seizures have such a severe impact on his energy that he has forgone his recreational activities, such as horseback riding, and uses his energy to solely focus on his advocacy work.
Bill envisions a world where we are seen as we who we are, not for what is different. Bill shares, “People have been excluded for so long, which means people see the difference first. When people we are truly included others get to experience who we really are.”
Bill has started the “Walk a Mile in My Shoe” project (seen in the blog cover photo) where he invites people to acquire a disability, (for example loss of sight, hearing, or physical ability), and walk beside him to experience what it is like to live with a disability for a short amount of time. Bill’s theory is that the experience will lead to understanding, which will lead to change.
You can support Bill by visiting his website, or participating in/ sponsoring one of his events. The proceeds go to the organization Reach for the Rainbow, which provided Bill with camp experiences as he grew up.
Bill shares his wisdom with us in his powerful poem, titled 'Understanding People'
UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE
A SET OF STANDARDS BY WHICH TO JUDGE
TO THEIR FRIENDS, THEY GIVE A NUDGE
WHEN THEY SEE ME COME THEIR WAY,
THEY STOP AND WALK THE OTHER WAY
OR EVEN WORSE, THEY STOP AND STARE
AS IF I'M STUPID AND UNAWARE.
IF ONLY THEY COULD KNOW, THAT I CARE;
HOW PEOPLE VIEW ME--IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!
I FEEL THE VERY SAME AS OTHERS DO,
THEY SHOULD TRY AND WALK IN MY SHOE.
LIFE'S NOT EASY, WHEN THE BODY THAT YOU OWN
WAS GIVEN TO YOU BROKEN-DOWN.
THEY MAY BE MEAN; THEY MAY BE CRUEL; THEY MAY BE BAD;
BUT MOST OF ALL...THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WITH SOME TIME AND SPECIAL GUIDANCE;
WE CAN HAVE A GREAT ALLIANCE.
FOR AN HOUR, OR FOR A DAY;
WE ALL NEED FRIENDS ALONG THE WAY.
SO WHEN YOU SEE ME COME ALONG
TRY NOT TO FOCUS ON WHAT IS WRONG;
I AM A PERSON JUST LIKE YOU,
WHO NEEDS AND DESERVES A GOOD FRIEND TOO.
JUST WALK BESIDE ME STRAIGHT AND TALL
AND BE THE FRIEND THAT I CAN CALL
WHEN I AM LONELY AND AFRAID.
JUST REMEMBER WHAT I'VE SAID:
ALL YOU NEED IS TO UNDERSTAND;
DO NOT JUDGE JUST TAKE MY HAND.
- Bill Hiltz
1998
I thank Bill, Joyce, and Arn for coming on the podcast to share their story and insights!
Love & Respect,
Eric
Resources:
Walk a Mile in my Shoe: Video: Click Here
Walk a Mile in my Shoe Website: www.inmyshoe.ca
If you received value from this content please leave me a review on iTunes. By leaving a 5 star review on iTunes you make the Empowering Ability Podcast more discoverable, and more families will benefit. Click Here To Leave a Review on iTunes
The Empowering Ability Podcast is available on iTunes and various other apps so that you can listen while on the go from your smartphone!
Wednesday Aug 09, 2017
#023: Michael Mainland's Story of Building an Ordinary Life, with Alice Mainland
Wednesday Aug 09, 2017
Wednesday Aug 09, 2017
This is the story of Michael Mainland’s incredible ordinary life. Michael is 38 years old, works at Boston Pizza, has his own house, lives with a roommate and volunteers regularly. What may come as a surprise to some is that Michael has a developmental disability that caused him to become non-verbal and reduced fine motor skills as he grew older.
Michael’s Story in Starting in High School:
I had the opportunity to interview Michael’s mother, Alice Mainland, to learn Michael’s story and to learn how Michael has created his ordinary life.
In the 2 months before Michael graduated from high school, Michael and his family realized they had a problem; there would be nothing for Michael once school ended. One of his parents would have to stay home to support Michael, and the family would drop down to a single income. Alice started making phone calls to various support agencies, local government, and basically anyone with a phone number that might be able to help. The people she called were willing to help! With the support of a few agencies the family was able to piece together support for Michael and this allowed the family to stay a two-income family.
Alice shares, “You don’t know what resources are available to you until you ask. “
At 29, Michael had the opportunity to move out of home because of a conversation 4 -5 years earlier when Alice was searching for support for Michael.
Michael’s Life Today:
Michael’s family purchased a duplex where Michael lives with a roommate in one unit, and a supportive neighbor lives in the second unit who is available for overnight support. The family focused on creating a great home for the supportive neighbor, and this strategy has been effective at attracting and retaining long-term tenants.
The first few weeks Michael lived on his own was a worrisome time for Alice and her husband, however their worries didn’t become a reality.
During the week Michael lives at his own house, works at Boston Pizza, and volunteers at the local foodbank. On weekends, Michael gets to spend quality time with his parents on their rural property. Alice and Michael often run errands on the weekend in town and Michael has 2-3 times the number of people saying hello to him compared to his mother. This is a great sign that Michael is building relationships in his community.
What’s next for the family?
Michael’s family is thinking about things like, who is going to take care of the house when Alice and her husband aren’t there? Who will help Michael make decisions? To ensure continuity in Michael’s future his family is looking at forming a micro-board. The purpose of the micro-board will be to help manage the home, and to help Michael make future decisions.
Lessons we can learn from Michael and his Family on living an ordinary life:
-
Ask for help. Michael’s family reached out to anyone with a phone that might be able to help them. The people on the other end of the phone had good intentions and wanted to help.
-
Environments where he can learn from his peers. Regular school classrooms (shop and gym for Michael's), working at Boston Pizza, volunteering, the Special Olympics.
-
Opportunities to show off his skills. Michael loves to show off what he is good at from work to his recreation of horseback riding.
-
Proloquo2Go. Michael is non-verbal the Pro lo to go app on his iPod empowers Michael to express himself more fully with others.
-
Let go, and let in. Over time Michael’s parents have had to let go, which has allowed Michael to become his own person. The family has also had to allow other people to enter and be a part of Michael’s life. (Without interviewing them first!). At some point, someone else is going to have to be there for Michael other than his parents.
I thank Alice for sharing her family’s story. There are great insights and lessons that we can apply to our own situations.
Our mini-series on housing for people with disabilities is continuing so go ahead and Subscribeto the mailing list to get all 6 episodes sent directly to your inbox!
Love & Respect,
Eric
Resources:
Proloquo2Go - symbol-supported communication app - Click Here
If you received value from this content please leave me a review on iTunes. By leaving a 5 star review on iTunes you make the Empowering Ability Podcast more discoverable, and more families will benefit. Click Here To Leave a Review on iTunes
The Empowering Ability Podcast is available on iTunes and various other apps so that you can listen while on the go from your smartphone!
Tuesday Jul 18, 2017
#020: Finding Your Inner George Clooney, with David Roche
Tuesday Jul 18, 2017
Tuesday Jul 18, 2017
David Roche calls himself an inspirational humorist, who has a facial difference. The word inspiration can be viewed as a dirty word in the disability world, as many stories are told and consumed as 'inspiration porn' -inspiration calling on the bias of a person's disability. David however, provides authentic inspiration. We are automatically drawn to the difference David wears on his face, and he uses this difference to inspire us to look within ourselves to find our own inner beauty and strength.
On the Empowering Ability Podcast David tells us that, every time without fail when he orders his old-fashioned donut, and a double double coffee from Tim Hortons the server brings him back a cup of tea and no donut. When meeting someone for the first time they are completely absorbed in the visual. So absorbed that they don’t ever hear him.
When David speaks to audiences and meets people for the first time he encourages them to ask about his facial difference. He has found it as a useful strategy for him to get it out of the way. David was born with part of his mandible (lower jaw) missing, and visible swollen veins on the side of his face. By calling out his difference it allows him to clear out the space for himself, and allows him to be vulnerable and authentic.
Paraphrasing from the podcast David shares, “I have learned that everyone feels disfigured to some degree. Everyone caries a fear inside them that something is wrong with ourselves. In our western culture, everything is linked to our appearance, and women have to carry that more than men do. We all carry a little spot inside of us where fear and doubt resides - if we don’t deal with that then we are prey for the predators. I have learned how to deal with that feeling inside myself. I have learned some life lessons that you need to know, because if you don’t deal with that fear that is when the predators get you.”
For David, his face is his gift. He's had to find his beauty inside, and he feels that it is his purpose to help other people find their inner beauty.
David offers this advice to find your inner beauty:
“When you look in the mirror that is not you, that is how other people see you. So when you look in the mirror do this: don’t go looking for all your little flaws, and all the things that are wrong with you. Look in your eyes and love yourself, and smile and say good morning, and say how wonderful you are. If you look in the mirror and think that is you, you’re wrong. Because the real you is, as Jean Vanier says, love and community. The real you comes out with other people, and it comes out in the form of love. You have to find your inner George Clooney. So when you look in the mirror every morning lower your voice and say, ’Hey looking good this morning!’”
David and his wife do a program called, ‘Love At Second Sight’ about appearance and acceptance and you can watch their short film at loveatsecondsight.org. Also, if you are interested in learning more about David and his story pick up his book, ‘The Church of 80% Sincerity’.
David leaves us with his favorite quote from Jean Vanier to reflect on:
"There is a revolution going on. We are beginning to realize that everyone, every human being is important. We are beginning to see that every human being is beautiful. At the heart of this revolution are not the powerful, the wealthy or intelligent. It is people with disabilities who are showing us what is important - love, community and the freedom to be ourselves."
-Jean Vanier
Our mini-series on housing for people with disabilities is continuing so go ahead and Subscribeto the mailing list to get all 6 episodes sent directly to your inbox!
Love & Respect,
Eric
Resources:
Website: http://www.davidroche.com/
Contact David Roche: Click Here
David's Book: Click Here
David's Film: loveatsecondsight.org
If you received value from this content please leave me a review on iTunes. By leaving a 5 star review on iTunes you make the Empowering Ability Podcast more discoverable, and more families will benefit. Click Here To Leave a Review on iTunes
The Empowering Ability Podcast is available on iTunes and various other apps so that you can listen while on the go from your smartphone!
Click Here To Listen on iTunes
Tuesday Jun 13, 2017
015: I Win - How Win Kelly Charles Defies the Odds with Cerebral Palsy (CP)
Tuesday Jun 13, 2017
Tuesday Jun 13, 2017
This week’s guest on the Empowering Ability Podcast is Win Kelly Charles. Win was Born with Cerebral Palsy (CP), and has defied the odds by becoming an author, the host of the Butterflies of Wisdom podcast, a competitor in the Kona IronMan Triathlon, CEO of her own jewelry design company, and motivational speaker. Win Charles truly is an inspiration to many.
Win is a disability advocate, and openly shares her journey as a person with CP. On the podcast, Win tells us that CP occurs at birth, and isn't genetic (so it isn’t something you will pass on). For Win CP impacts both sides of body; her left hand is weak, and her right leg is weak, and she has undergone 100+ surgeries.
Win is an extremely resilient person, so I ask her; what is the mindset that you carry to be the person that you are?
Win shares that she is “..not named Win for nothing.” Win’s mother named her after her grandmother, who’s name was Winaphin. From the tone in Win’s voice when sharing this story, I could hear the sense of pride and motivation this gives her.
Second, Win was treated like she didn’t have a disability by her parents. Win’s parents put her in the regular classroom, where she was treated as an equal and was able to participate in the same programming as everyone else. From her experience, Win suggests that if possible parents should put their kids in regular classrooms.
The approach that Win takes in her life is to "…….Always, Always, Always, look outside the box.... The solution is never cookie cutter." Win brings out a great point here as many families and people with a disability are constantly facing road blocks, and have to look for different solutions. Look outside the box, as win suggests, don’t take no or the status quo for an answer, be creative and find a different path, find your path!
I ask Win who her mentors were in her life that have made a big impact on her?
Win shares that there were a couple of educators who she views as mentors, but the biggest mentors in her life were her Parents. Win again drives home the point that her parents raising her as if she didn't have a disability empowered her to become the woman that she is today.
Take a listen to the podcast to hear our discussion on inclusion, how Win became an author and a podcaster, as well as the messages Win shares on disability advocacy.
If you want to learn more about Win’s journey, I recommend you pick up her book ‘I Win; Hope and life as a disabled woman living in a not disabled world’ on Amazon.
Win tours the country, speaking to schools and institutions to raise awareness about cerebral palsy, and living a full life no matter what holds you back. It was a pleasure having Win on the podcast, and if you want to hear more from Win you can Sign up for Win’s newsletter to stay updated on new releases and appearances.
Love & Respect,
Eric
How to Contact Win Kelly Charles:
Twitter: @WinKellyCharles
Win's Art: Click Here
Podcast: Butterflies of Wisdom
If you received value from this content please leave me a review on iTunes. By leaving a 5 star review on iTunes you make the Empowering Ability Podcast more discoverable, and more families will benefit. Click Here To Leave a Review on iTunes
The Empowering Ability Podcast is available on iTunes and various other apps so that you can listen while on the go from your smartphone!
Tuesday Jun 06, 2017
Tuesday Jun 06, 2017
Mitch, a high school senior, started to explore part-time employment in his community and was continually turned away, due to what Mitch thinks was his disability. Mitch and his mom, Charity, then teamed up to make Mitch's dream a reality and created 'Mitch and Mama's Coffee Bar'.
This week's guests on the Empowering Ability Podcast are mother and son, Charity Hilson and Mitch Dale, who tell their story of making Mitch's dream of owning a coffee shop come to life. Danny Steeves Eby, fellow entrepreneur from Episode 8 of the podcast joins us as a co-host on this episode.
Subscribe to the Empowering Ability mailing list to get more great stories like this one sent directly to your inbox!
Mitch and Charity were pushed by their friends and family to start, and with a small amount of capital they opened up a coffee bar inside an existing operating store in their hometown of Listowel, ON. The coffee bar currently employs Mitch and Charity, and provides volunteer opportunities to people in the community who have a disability. They have a grand vision of having their own store, with couches and tables, but the most important thing was for the mother and son team was to get started, so they downsized their dream (for now).
Mitch shares that having a coffee shop is his dream because he is a people person, and he loves to be around people. Every cup of coffee comes with a free hug from Mitch, and he thinks it keeps many customers coming back. I was lucky enough to get 3 hugs from Mitch, and for me the hugs were worth much more than the price of a cup of coffee. Mitch and Charity share that most people in their community have embraced their new venture, and are even offering to help find funding.
Charity provides advice to other families looking to start their own venture, "Really listen to what your child is wanting, it is easy to take over their dream..... (and) think about the best business to start that utilizes their gifts. Start slow, don't get discouraged, don't give up, use your resources. It is very hard to ask for help, but people really want to help you. If you just ask for help things run a lot smoother."
Charity also shares, "I'd like families to know if I can do it, anyone can.... I am a single mother with 3 kids and 2 jobs."
This is a great story of creating an incredible ordinary life for Mitch, Charity, and other people with a disability. Mitch and Mama's is also helping to change societal perceptions for people with a disability, by providing the opportunity to show their gifts through employment in the community. Stop by Mitch and Mama's to get a coffee, and a hug from Mitch - you will understand what I mean.
There are a lot of ideas in the grave yard. Bringing an idea to life and creating something takes a lot of courage. Just take the first step, start! Then enjoy the journey.
I'd like to thank Mitch and Charity for coming on the podcast to share their story, and lessons learned from starting their own venture. It was a pleasure interviewing them and I am excited for my next trip back to Mitch and Mamas. I'd also like to thank my co-host for this episode, Danny Steeves Eby, for his positivity, contagious laugh, and insightful questions.
Love & Respect,
Eric
How to Contact Mitch & Mama's:
Email: mitchandmamas@gmail.com
Phone: 519-291-7235
Website: http://www.mitchandmamascoffeebar.com/
Facebook: Click Here
If you received value from this content please leave me a review on iTunes. By leaving a 5 star review on iTunes you make the Empowering Ability Podcast more discoverable, and more families will benefit. Click Here To Leave a Review on iTunes
The Empowering Ability Podcast is available on iTunes and various other apps so that you can listen while on the go from your smartphone!